Isolation

I’m getting back into the routine of using my fatigue tracking tool. And I was answering the question “I felt isolated because of fatigue” and the answer is always true. Even with all of the support I get, my wonderful wife, my lovely family, my spectacular friends – I cant help but feel isolated. Even if just for part of the day.

I think part of that is that I frequently want to do things, reach out to friends or family around something, but lack the energy to initiate or maintain the conversation – let alone the activity that might go with it. This occurs at least several times per day and is often a constant feeling.

But there are other things that make me feel isolated. In some ways, I feel less isolated right now, because my being home all the time – is the norm for most people. So I have a solidarity that was different before. Still, while my wife works, I largely struggle to read a book or to finish a small spreadsheet project. I am on twitter a lot these days because it requires so little of me. Facebook feels like all of these friends and family around and I feel bad if I don’t communicate back. But on twitter there is no such pressure. It’s mostly strangers and politics and maybe ill retweet some shit, but not much else usually.

Anyhow, just a small window into the isolation factor. There is much more I can write but that should get the idea across. Yesterday was another heavy fatigue day. But I did manage to edit a video. Today I’m feeling a little more energy. We need to resolve the disability insurance before bills stop clearing. And get more videos edited.

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