the let downs…

11pm. Friday. May 1.

Happy May Day! I was bound to struggle emotionally at some point. And this week put me to the test. A couple weeks back, I was so pleased with how well rested I was going into the weekend and we got a lot of games onto the table (and overall quality time to boot). It wasn’t planned out exactly, but it was lovely.

Last week I managed to hit my step goals daily and earned myself a step up. The idea, of course, is to gradually move to a higher level – and make it more bearable to participate in normal activities at some point. Well, this week hasn’t gone so well. I’m so utterly exhausted. My mental energy is crushed. Sometimes I get aphasia and it got real bad the past two days. I cant recall basic words. I have to provide extra focus to basic motor functions or I might spill something. Forget games. I’m utterly dysfunctional.

Hopefully the blood letting works. Because this is growing increasingly frustrating. I felt pretty down today. And as money came in I absolutely have overspent. I’m just acting out – trying to ease the burden I guess. But I’m not handling it in the healthiest way when I do that. It’s just when you are couch bound and mentally dull, or at least when I am, it goes poorly.

And so I am stopping for the weekend. No step goals. No stretch goals per se. I need to rest, heal, maybe meditate? 

10pm. Sunday. May 3.

The weekend was brutal. Not only did I suffer physically, but I continued showing a lot of brain error. I know the fatigue can cause me to struggle with word recall and such. But sometimes its really bad and this weekend had a ton of the very worst of this. So I rested all weekend. Tomorrow we shall see how well that helps.

10:30am. Monday. May 4.

May the force be with you! Unfortunately, it is not with me today. Already couch bound for the day.

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