Inertia

A constant challenge with the fatigue is inertia. Heavy fatigue creates a serious inertia challenge. It’s difficult to move when you know how uncomfortable it can be. And how uncomfortable movement can make you later. You may notice that is a running theme in my days and nights. I’m trying to break thru.

3pm. Tuesday. April 14.

Having another very difficult day. This morning was brutal. I started out well enough with my daily stretches. But it went downhill from there. I am pushing myself to the table for some games. Inertia is a real challenge in times like this. My body feels incredibly heavy. I’m constantly uncomfortable. Sometimes if I can get myself going I can manage things. So thats my focus today. Start incrementally by getting to the table. Then for a walk. Then for laundry. Something along those lines. 

11pm. Tuesday. April 14.

I’m calling today a success. As noted above, the fatigue was awful. But I managed to do some productive things. Jen and I went on a walk – similar to the other day. We played a few games. I rotated laundry. And even managed through a zoom call with family (though from the couch in order to manage it). 

The things I consider victories may seem small, but they take a lot of effort. A long ways to go, but well see I guess. The key will be how I am able to follow up tomorrow.

11am. Wednesday. April 15.

Jen got paid today thankfully. Things have been tight financially with me on disability. And the worse I feel, the more prone I am to impulse buying. And Jen and I enable each other. And this situation, the global quarantine and the disability leave is completely overwhelming and stressful. Which leads to more…

But there are some great positives. We managed a zoom call with my siblings and nieces last night. I had to take it from the couch but it was great fun. In some ways, we are more connected as a result of all of this. I’d feel better about that if people weren’t dying and taking the roller coaster to poverty. But there is something valuable about finding the positive during otherwise difficult times. We were supposed to chat with the kids but were doing that tonight. There was no way I could do both and they had another thing going.

So, today, I’m making an incremental list of objectives that will help motivate me.

• Take a walk. Slightly longer today.
• Rotate Laundry again. FWIW, our laundry machine washes and dries and is super energy efficient but takes 6 hours per load. Which is why you’ll never see – do all laundry today. It exists from a prior era when I was single and had cash flow. It’s actually perfect for put in a load and go to work or go to sleep. Laundry is done when you are back from work or awake in the morning.
• Create playlist for next music to game by video.
• Prepare for top 21 to 30 games video.
• Play 1 new solo game. Learn and play Reavers of Midgard.
• Read. Just read for a bit. 

Reading should be fatigue compatible. But it often isn’t. When the fatigue is heavy, its just difficult to focus. So tv, medium shitty that it may be, is more beneficial for surviving the discomfort. But I’m making an attempt to shift that paradigm.

Sorry for the punctuation issues. I mostly write from my ipad which suits a fatigue friendly posture. And recent software changes have messed with my ipad keyboard.

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